I often suffer with parent guilt stemming from all sorts of things. I know that it’s something that a lot of people have to deal with – it seems to be a natural part of parenting. But sometimes I feel like parent guilt is going to overwhelm me. This month it’s the start of Boo’s increased nursery hours which have set off my parent guilt. As she is now three she can have her 15 free hours of childcare.
Now I know that I don’t have to send her for the full 15 hours a week (and I am not) but I wanted something in place so that if we need the provision she can go. I am mainly thinking of my flare ups (which happened fairly often in the cold winter months last year). I don’t want Boo to be stuck in with me for days on end, so having the option for her to go to nursery is a great idea. So why do I feel guilty?
I am pretty sure I could find something to feel guilty about all the time and I really am at the point where it needs to stop. I often feel guilty about my Fibromyalgia and the impact it has on Boo. But as it’s impossibly to change my condition I can only create plans to help minimise the impact it has on all of our lives.
So why oh why do I feel guilty about sorting out more nursery hours for Boo? I wish I knew the answer! Before the holidays Boo went to nursery 9am until 1pm Tuesdays and Thursday. And now due to her free hours, we have changed it so that she has a place 9am – 1pm Monday until Thursday. Double the hours, though it’s not really going to be double the hours, as I haven’t taken her until 10am for the three days this first week, and probably won’t very often – unless I need to for appointments.
Yet, a mere one week in to the change and I am already feeling guilty and she has only actually done about 12 hours at nursery. Boo is 3 and she loves nursery. She loves spending time with other children (something she doesn’t do at home as she is an only child … another thing for me to feel incredibly guilty about). She loves running around and making a mess. Every day she comes home with stories of all the fun she had had at nursery. So why do I feel guilty?
The time Boo spends at nursery also gives me time to get some stuff done round the house, or to blog, or to read, or to do some bits of self care which can help ease my symptoms for a little while. So why do I feel guilty? Would I feel less guilty if I dropped Boo off to nursery and physically went out to work I wonder? Is it because I use some of the time when she is at nursery as ‘me time’ that I feel guilty. Or am I just so programmed to feel guilty that it would make no difference whatsoever?
I feel guilty, but I know it’s irrational. When I go through the situation in my head – I know this is the best plan for our family right now. Boo also needs to get used to being at nursery and not with me all of the time, as her starting school is going to be here before I know it (and that will be even more hours than she is doing right now). Will I feel guilty when she goes to school I wonder?
Does anyone else have these random conversations with themselves (usually late at night as they are trying to fall asleep)? Please tell me I am not the only one?
Do you suffer from parent guilt?