Since having Boo in December 2013 I have found that time does strange things, I am not sure if it is because Boo is having some weird effects on on the timespace continuum or something? Time has sped up by about 1000%.  When I was younger December used to last for ages, I mean how many windows are there in an advent calendar?  A lot more than 24 when you are a child.  But now it seems like I haven’t turned around twice and Boo is already 9 months old.  I cannot believe how quickly a year has passed, I am soon back at work (cue tears – from me) and I am already thinking about Boo’s birthday and 2nd Christmas… 2nd!!

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For her first Christmas she was less than two weeks old, she looks so tiny I can’t believe the changes already.

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I have also noticed that as well as time speeding by it also disappears, in large chunks…. what I am describing definitely feels like aliens are at work here! Days disappear in between naps, feeds, nappy changes and mealtimes, even a day which starts at 5.30am seems to have disappeared before I finish my first decaf coffee, (I say finish I mean throw away the remaining cold half at about 2pm because I have forgotten about it).

I wonder if it’s an age thing, now that I am nearing 30… shhhh! I have heard people complain that time speeds up as you get older, but I never thought it would be so apparent. My working week seemed to last forever before I had Boo, and it felt like I was pregnant with her for at least 9 years, but my labour seemed to last 5 minutes (it was 12 hours but if felt like 5 mins).

I am not complaining, I am just marveling at the wonder of how having a baby can fill your life so much that you don’t notice at the weeks and  months slip by, it is little wonder we all feel they grow up too fast.

Does the speed of time increase when you have more children I wonder? Does it slow back down when they start nursery or when you start back at work?

Boo is definitely a time bandit, (oh how I love that film)!  And I know I have to treasure everything single day as they flash past in a blur!

I feel like I am insane for even writing this post but I need to sort out some things in my own mind and writing them down may help me to sort them out.  Hyperemesis Gravidarum was, without a doubt the worst experience I have ever been through, so why on earth would I consider going through it again?

Am I crazy for considering a Hyperemsis Gravidarum second pregnancy?

I have, this last week or so, for some reason started wondering what Boo is going to miss out on by not having siblings in a typical sense.  I have also read several blog posts which feature the amazing bond between siblings and it has really struck a nerve with me.  She does have two half brothers but they live in another country and for reasons beyond our control which I do not really want to go in to Boo will not, in all likelihood, have much of a ‘sibling’ relationship with them.

I feel like there is a whole list of questions I need to answer;

1. Am I insane for even considering a second pregnancy which could mean I suffer with HG again? A Hyperemesis Gravidarum second pregnancy – I am not sure I can even wrap my head around it.

2. If I do suffer with HG do I try to take medication preemptively to try to make the symptoms managable?

3. What about the about the consequences of 2. if I do take the medication? And not just consequences but guilt

4. If I chose not to take the medication how will I cope with looking after Boo and myself while suffering with this?

5. What is Boo missing out on by not having a sibling? And is this ‘worth’ suffering HG again.

6. Will Boo not be missing out on anything because she will not know any difference?

7. Will I be able to cope with 2 babies?

8. If we do decide to go ahead then when is the ‘right’ time? When Boo is more independent/older or when Boo is too young to be able to remember?

9. No, really, am I insane for even considering a second HG pregnancy?

10. I feel insane (I know that’s not a question)

I know there are probably a lot more questions and things to think about, but this seems like an overwhelming list as it is!

What I need to do, I think, is chat to some other ladies who have had 2 or more HG pregnancies and get their thoughts on it.

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The Wanderer Returns…

Look what I found… two days later, in the leaves and crap at the side of the road. And no, I did not get funny looks from the cars driving by as I picked it up and then stopped to take a picture on a nearby bench!

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It seems like I have a problem?  Well that’s what I keep being told anyway. (Though whenever I try to read up on it I find that a lot of breastfeeding mothers do this and do not consider it a problem)… so is feeding to sleep a problem?

Is feeding to sleep a problem

Boo feeds to sleep, both for her day time naps at to sleep on an evening (and for the majority of her night time wakings as well. She is 9 months old.  I don’t have a problem with this, unless I worry about what everyone else is telling me – that it is wrong.

Boo is clearly not impressed at the thought of going to sleep without feeding!

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I don’t mind this really at the minute as I am on maternity leave, and I don’t mind devoting this time to Boo.  Most nights she is only up once of twice.  The issue is I suppose, when I am back at work in November for 2 long days each week. Obviously I am going to be unable to feed her to sleep for her daytime naps, and I don’t just want to carry on as we are until she starts nursery because that’s going to be a big shock for her.

I have been resistant to sleep training since a health visitor told me to just leave a 6 week old Boo in her Moses basket to cry after she had been fed/changed etc as ‘a crying baby is a healthy baby’ (something which I disagree with, I couldn’t leave my baby to cry without trying to comfort her.) It is a good job I didn’t do that as Boo was suffering from reflux and it would have been awful to leave her suffering alone.

So I am trying to find ways to get Boo to go in to her cot awake and settle herself to sleep. I know she can do this as sometimes when she wakes on a night she cries for about 5 seconds and before I get to her room she is back asleep.  However, I seem to be making little progress and sometimes it feels quite disheartening, short of getting her in the pram and walking her to sleep each nap (which I suppose is slightly better as someone else can do this whereas I am the only one who can feed Boo).

I guess I am reluctant to make major changes because then I will have to admit to myself that returning to work and leaving Boo is drawing ever closer. I am going to have to search a bit more for a method I agree with to help teach Boo how to self settle.  But for now, I don’t have a problem with feeding to sleep…

Zena's Suitcase 

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