Settling back in to work has been tough and even though I am only doing two days a week I am feeling quite exhausted. I am sure, soon, it will feel like normal and the morning routine will feel more like a routine and less like a mad dash!
However one thing which seems be be more of an issue than I had anticipated is expressing at work. I need to express mid morning and mid afternoon to keep with Boo’s feeding pattern on other days and to have enough milk for her to drink from a bottle at nursery (Boo has, slowly, started to drink a bit more from a bottle, which is a weight off my mind).
However I am finding myself really uncomfortable on my work days, it seems I am not able to express as much as Boo takes for a feed as I am left feeling uncomfortable which get worse as the day goes on and isn’t totally alleviated when I express in the afternoon.
I am also feeling really self-conscious as I can leak even when wearing breast pads, so feel like I am constantly checking myself.
I am lucky that I am being given time to express at work and my manager has been really accommodating, though the room I express in is a makeshift first aid room/stationery cupboard which I have to put a sign up on and lock, but I constantly feel like someone is going to need to come in the room and knock on the door which definitely adds to my unease. I don’t know why I feel so uneasy in the room. And I am wondering if this is contributing to why I can’t express as much as I would be able to at home, and means that I end up feeling like my boobs are going to explode.
I am not sure this part of my work routine is ever going to feel normal (I hope it gets easier though) and I am really surprised by how much I dislike the whole thing. Obviously is it necessary and I am going to keep going until Boo doesn’t want to feed anymore but I am feeling guilty that I am finding it such a chore and I worry that my supply is going to suffer on the other days.
I think that, sadly, I may not be alone in feeling like this, and I can understand how difficult it must be for ladies who have to go back to work sooner than I did and need to express more often, as it would feel almost impossible. I honestly think if I had had to go back full time and when Boo was younger and feeding more I would have stopped breastfeeding.
I wish this post were more positive and that this latest phase in our breastfeeding journey was a happier one but that’s really not the case.
It’s been a really hectic week, and getting up and ready and out the house for a set time is more difficult than I remember!
Boo is settling in to nursery, though she still cries when I drop her off and pick her up, which makes me feel like a bad mummy!
My job has changed so much (due to a complete restructure) and so I left a varied, nice job I have return to a mind numbingly boring job which isn’t the job I applied for when I first got this job and it certainly isn’t something I would ever look to do. So I think that I may have to do my three months and then move on.
I am super excited about Christmas, but really need to get my bum in gear and finish up my Christmas shopping.
I am even more excited about Boo’s first birthday! I can’t wait, and I can’t believe she is going to be 1 already. My little baby is going to be 1!
I am currently sat watching a bit of TV and writing this while Boo has a nap, she is poorly at the minute and we have been to the drs this morning as Boo has a virus which has given her a rash all over her body and the dr said the start of an ear infection too. She is coping remarkably well with being poorly, but it’s going to be a weekend at home, trying to get Boo to have some rest (I am not quite sure how I am going to get a manically active baby to have some rest?)
I am hoping that now the first week of work is over, that things might become a little less hectic and I might just get some more time to blog…
So here we are, 51 weeks after I said goodbye to work and couldn’t help but think, kind of smugly, that a year is ages and it was forever before I would be going back to work!
Oh how wrong I was, I simply cannot believe how fast these weeks have gone!! It’s crazy. So I have a small list of things I want to squeeze in to this last week that me and Boo have before we start work/nursery. Though as I am writing this Boo is an nursery for the day as part of her settling in sessions (I feel so lonely!) I miss my cheeky smiley baby!
1. Try to enjoy the week and not spend it worrying about having to go back to work!
2. Enjoy my birthday which is this week (how crap is that for timing!)
3. Go to a place we have never been to before – hopefully weather permitting this will be on my birthday!
4. Snuggle on the sofa and watch (some of) a Disney movie
5. Go out for a meal as a family – the hubby, Boo and I
6. Try not to spend the next week repeating… oh my go I can’t believe how quickly my maternity leave has flown by (like a stuck record)
I think that’s everything…
Did I mention…..
I really honestly cannot believe how fast my maternity leave has flown by!!!!