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The End of my breastfeeding journey - sharing my thoughts on the end of breastfeeding

I have felt several times that we have been reaching the end of our breastfeeding journey, most days in those first six weeks I wondered if I was going to make it through the next feed, then again when I went back to work and Boo to nursery when she was 11 months old. I was convinced that she would just stop feeding, stop drinking the expressed milk and it was the beginning of the end.

But it wasn’t, we got through those tough 3 months and I gave up work and went to back to feeding her on demand.  (We carried on with no night feeds though). Now due to Boo’s reluctance to eat or drink anything that isn’t breastmilk, coupled with her Acid Reflux we have been advised to cut down to two feeds a day – first thing in a morning and last thing before bed.

We have been feeding to this routine for a couple of weeks now, and the first week was hard for us both, after feeding on demand for so long, and always feeding on demand if Boo was with me it seems so alien.  Boo, after about a week, stopped asking most of the time and seem fine even though she still isn’t really eating much but she is drinking more water.  I however, feel really sad about it as I really miss feeding during the daytime, those quiet cuddles together on the sofa where Boo seems to get milk, comfort and something of a battery recharge.  Though I am of course happy because Boo doesn’t seem to mind as much as I thought she would, and after all we are following the advice of healthcare professionals who think it is best for Boo.

I must admit though I feel sad at the fact that the end of our journey, or should I say the beginning of the end of our journey is being decided by an outside force, or rather circumstances beyond our control. I wish that we could let Boo self wean at her own pace but that’s not what’s best for Boo right now.

All I can focus on is enjoying each feed that we have – those breastfeeding cuddles lying on my bed until Boo wiggles up to the pillow and then lays on the pillow next to me and just looks in to my eyes and with a big smile puts her hand gently on my cheek and we just gaze at each other for a few seconds.  I know that she gets so much comfort from these feeds and the bedtime feed is something that I am determined to carry on for as long as Boo wants to – I can at least let her self wean from that feed.

I was hoping this post would be more positive, my baby is growing up and I am so proud (and astonished that time has gone so fast) but I just know how much I will miss breastfeeding her (as I know how much of a wrench cutting her day times feeds was). And I know that Boo’s last breastfeed is going to be the last breastfeed as for various reasons I don’t think we will have another child – so there seems to be and added importance to each and every feed we have left. I am hoping the two feeds each day that we have left we can leave Boo to self wean so that that part of our journey at least can carry on for as long as Boo needs/wants .. and that the end of breastfeeding for Boo and I is many months away.

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