Today I have been told I should ‘give up breastfeeding’. If I had a penny for every time I had heard or overheard that I would have a fair amount of pennies, probably enough to buy myself an ice cream. In my mind getting 1p for hearing that phrase is one time too many… Yes I am aware Boo is 16 months old, yes I am aware she can drink cow’s milk now (and she does!) but I am also aware that it is none of your business how I feed my child.
Today was different, because today I heard it from my G.P. I am trying not to be too angry or upset right now because I don’t want this post to turn in to rant I want to discuss why this is wrong on so many levels.
First – ‘giving up’ that sounds like defeat, failing – no wonder all of the ladies who have to stop breastfeeding before they feel ready too, feel guilty and like they are failing, if they are told to ‘give up’ or worse that they are ‘giving up’. This is not how it should be seen at all. If you have to stop breastfeeding it is probably because of a number of different reasons and you should never ever be told you are giving up! I shudder to think of how much more upset I would be if I was an exhausted first time new mum dealing with getting breastfeeding established and I was told to ‘give up’.
Second – It made me think of ‘giving up smoking’ which you do for the sake of your health because it is a bad thing (don’t get me wrong giving up smoking is an awfully difficult thing to do, and I have seen my mum struggle through it on a number of occasions – thankfully she succeeded years ago) but in my mind I couldn’t help but feel I was being told to ‘give up’ breastfeeding because it’s a bad thing now that Boo is older. Maybe this is just me, because I seem to be facing a lot of negative, hmm what’s the word, vibes? about breastfeeding Boo now that she is a toddler.
I am aware that I may be being a little bit oversensitive about this issue, and of course I know my G.P. does not think breastfeeding is anything like smoking, but they should have been more careful about the language they chose to use. Had they said ‘I think you should stop breastfeeding’ I wouldn’t have been as annoyed, and definitely not as upset. Also the fact that I was told my other option was to ‘bottle feed for a while’ – not sure how that is going to work… magically my supply will
In my experience it feels like breastfeeding is pushed relentlessly until 6 months by healthcare professionals and then they seem to lose interest, do they tick the box to say that you reached 6 months for their statistics and then thats it? You are own your own? Support is woeful in my experience after the 6 month mark and I have been told all sorts of things that I know are not right. Not only does the opinion of everyone in the general public who wants to share their opinion seems to change, but you feel like a hindrance when you mention you are breastfeeding to the G.P. because they have to change what they were going to prescribe you. (Not all dr’s I have seen are like this, but enough are have made me feel uncomfortable).
I am not trying to complain about healthcare professionals I think most of them do a fantastic job under difficult circumstances, and I know how lucky we are to have the NHS, and I know a lot of healthcare professionals are so busy and working with limited resources, but the simple phrasing of the way they phrase things can make a massive difference to the person they are talking to – who is going to them for guidance and advice. I will say though, that the ladies that have answered my phone calls to the National Breastfeeding Helpline have been amazing! And it’s great that there is a helpline there, providing great advice and support for breastfeeding mums.
I honestly feel that more training and education is needed for healthcare professionals about breastfeeding as a whole. Supporting new mums without being too push and making those that have to change to bottle feeding feel supported too, and those that decide bottle feeding is best for them from the start. Support as breastfeeding continues as there are different challenges as your baby becomes a toddler. And I also think that healthcare professionals should be be more considerate of the language they use. Noone should ever be told that they should ‘give up’ breastfeeding.
I can’t believe your GP said that. I am angry on your behalf. I have no experience of breastfeeding but I find it ridiculous, firstly that they used the phrase “give up” and secondly that it was their advice.
I am angry too, I had heard that phrase enough times now, I just feel sorry if this is the phrase that is being used to other mums too, who are in the early stages of breastfeeding and are struggling because for some it is a struggle and they should never even have the thought cross their minds that they are ‘giving up’ because it is simply not true.
I’m not necessarily offended by the advice depending on the context- for example if you had poorly controlled epilepsy and needed to be back on certain meds then I would understand this. However I do object to the phrasing- as though it’s a bad habit you need to ditch. If they GP thought you should stop for health reasons then they should have acknowledged what a sacrifice this was going to be for you and Boo. Sadly I think a lot of healthcare professionals remain ignorant when it comes to breastfeefing. I think it’s great that you are still feeding
Thank you. I can agree with you, that the advice itself, depending on circumstances, isn’t bad, it was more the phrasing I was upset about. I don’t need to stop breastfeeding and I intend to carry on, stopping breastfeeding because I might suffer a couple of days discomfort due to thrush is not what I want to do at all. I think you are right, they don’t seem to be as informed as they could/should be.
i currently still feeding my 15 month old and will give up when we are both ready and I think it’s great that you are still nursing.
I have five children and struggled to feed everyone of them due to recurrent mastitis. With my forth I was hospitalised with it. When I asked if I could still have breastfeeding friendly medication I was told that I should worry more about getting out hospital then continuing to breastfeed.
Luckily enough doctors changed and I had a far more sympathetic doctor who went out of their way to make sure I could continue to feed.
Bedside manner and patients feelings are something that needs working on for any medical professionals.
Thank you, I feel the same, I want to stop when Boo is ready to stop and not before. Oh dear I have had a couple of bouts of mastitis and it’s awful, it’s amazing that you have carried on through it all and hospitalisation. I am so glad you found a second dr who was more sympathetic, I really don’t understand why patients feelings are just brushed aside by some healthcare professionals
I can not believe your doctor said that. I only breastfed for 10months and as soon as I stopped I felt guilty but I had people trying to tell me it was probably time to ‘give it up’. You’re doing amazing feeding for this long..just ignore your tactless doctor! #twinklytuesday
Thank you. The pressure to ‘give up’ can be quite unrelenting can’t it? So much pressure to breastfeed in the early days and then before long you are told you should be stopping!!
That’s really disappointing to hear. Unfortunately gps can be pretty clueless about breastfeeding! You’re doing a fantastic job and there are so many benefits to extended breastfeeding. Great post!
It is unfortunate because I feel they should be offering advice and support not making people feel bad! Thank you so much – My original aim was 6 months! But I am so glad we are still going!
I never thought a doctor would tell you to stop, or give up. What was his reasoning?
#twinklytuesday
Because Boo has thrush and I might experience some discomfort feeding her for a couple of days was what they said… to be honest I don’t think they could have looked more uncomfortable when I said the word breastfeeding if they tried!!
I’m quite shocked about this Jenni. You’re right too, I think once you get passed a year people just assume you’ll give up. Each to their own, don’t let anyone pressure you into making a decision you aren’t comfortable with hon xx
I’m quite shocked about this Jenni. You’re right too, I think once you get passed a year people just assume you’ll give up. Each to their own, don’t let anyone pressure you into making a decision you aren’t comfortable with hon xx #myfavouritepost
I know i was a bit taken aback, I wasn’t quite sure I heard right!
Thanks, i intend too, I am going to carry on for as long as it is right for Boo and myself =)
I am shocked that this came from a GP and sad that you feel so upset about it. You should be encouraged to do the right thing for you and your baby, and if you want to continue to BF then why would they tell you otherwise?! Hope you’re Ok and that you choose the right decision going forward. Jess x
Thank you, I am going to carry on until it’s right for Boo and myself, hopefully because she weans herself from it. I feel better today and now I just feel sad that they have that opinion and will use that phrase to other mums =(
Good for you for not listening to all the people telling you you should ‘give up’ and instead doing what is right for you and your family. I think I was lucky; no-one ever said anything like that to me and I breastfed my daughter until she was two and a half. I never thought I would do it that long before I became a mother but it was right for us. You are doing a great job xx #TwinklyTuesday
Thank you, I never planned to still be feeding Boo after 6 months but now I wouldn’t want to have made any other decision. I am going to try and ignore these comments and just carry on, but the negativity does start to get to you.
I’m angry on your behalf too. My baby had thrush in his mouth when he was born and there was no talk of me giving up breast feeding (as you say, breast is best message in the early days!). He had medication, I had medication, not a problem. I think sometimes doctors aren’t as well informed as they could be and I agree with you about the choice of language. I breast fed all of my three for a year each, and it was my decision when to stop, despite what other people might have thought. My friend was also told by her health visitor she should stop breastfeeding her 18 month old. I think World Health Organisation advice is until two, but either way, I really don’t think it is anyone else’s decision other than you. And perhaps your baby, as sometimes they stop of their own accord! #mmwbh
It’s amazing the different advice and support you can get from drs at the same practice! We have got some medication and I am going to carry on, I am going to let Boo decide herself when she will wean and I am not going to listen to what I ‘should’ be doing, I still hear these comments and get upset but I am going to carry on doing what I think is best for Boo. The choice of language is a problem.
My son’s pedia before in the Philippines told me to mix feed. Cuz she found out that I have been breastfeeding exclusively. I was hurt as its a choice that I have made and here she is a baby expert telling me that my choice is not right. Confusing and hurtful. #sharewithme
It’s really difficult when you have someone with medical training telling you to change what you are doing, especially if you believe what you are doing in the right thing to do. I am sorry that you feel hurt, and it doesn’t seem fair sometimes. Sometimes we carry this hurt around with us for a long time.
That’s a tough situation I can relate so much to it. I was devastated when I had to stop breastfeeding MM because I kept getting so sick from mastitis and she was killing my boobs and neither of us was happy about it all. I made myself really depressed about going to a bottle and felt I had no support from anyone about it because I had already breastfed for a year my son find with no hiccups so they just assumed I didnt need it. Each child is different. It’s hard when they are trying to take your choice away. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
It is a really tough situation, and it’s wrong to assume that because things went find once they will do so again. It’s so sad that you were not provided the right support to carry on breastfeeding as that’s what you wanted to do. It is really difficult not to feel angry and upset when you are unsupported and feel like you are unable to do what you want/what you feel is right. Mastitis is a horrible thing.
I cannot believe your GP actually said this!
I’m in shock, no wonder your angry!!!
I have had lots of experiences where different professionals, dieticians / health visitors / paediatricians are all telling me different things and giving conflicting advice, I think its important to listen to your instinct x
You are right, there is so much advice out there and no one GP seems to give me the same advice! I was angry, and I wish I had said something but I am just going to forget about it and just carry on as I am. Doing what I think is right.
Oooh so annoying and why would you bother with a bottle for a toddler now! Breast or cup surely. Less confident Mums would stress over such rubbish advice and that makes me really sad. Think I’m still breastfeeding. I say think because Pooh Bear gas just turned four and I’m pregnant so we discussed having a last feed on his birthday but he’s tried to squeeze a quick one in here and there ;D
It is sad that some mums would listen, I mean I got upset by it and then I got angry and at no point changed what I was doing, but what if I had felt that I should listen? Felt guilty for not following the ‘advice’ and then feeling guilty for following it because I knew I was going the right thing in the first place!
I feel angry for you too! I can´t believe a health professional would dare say that… I am still breastfeeding my 16 month old, and I don´t even consider to stop it by my own volition. We will stop when he decides to stop, and as long as we both feel comfortable we shall continue…. x
#PoCoLo
That is my opinion exactly, and the only thing that gets to me at the minute is everyone else sticking their 2 pence worth in!! I am angry, and I am upset and I worry for all of the ladies who are going to get that same crappy piece of advice from that dr….
I have never breastfed myself but i have heard it such a nice experience for both mum and baby . I can not believe a GP said that, that is shocking. I hope you continue to beastfeed for as long as you and your daughter want to x #sharewithme
Thank you so much. I am getting a bit tired of everyone telling me I should stop breastfeeding at the minute that I see red when I hear the next thing! I wish I was brave enough to say something though.
OMG I can’t believe your GP said that! I think it’s such a personal choice that nobody has the right to have any views on when you should keep breastfeeding until unless there is a serious reason why you should stop. I literally wanted to poke people in the eye everytime anyone raised an eyebrow at the fact I was still breastfeeding past 12 months!!! #BigFatLinky
What does it matter? If the pain is caused to you rather than baby, and you are willing to put up with the extra pain for a couple of days, then that’s your decision! You are doing the best for your little girl, no matter how old she is. Stupid GP – sometimes I think they really don’t have a clue. Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
Exactly, I am old enough to make an informed decision and the pain was nothing compared to when Boo was learning to latch on. GPs should be giving support – this one obviously didn’t get the memo!
Couldn’t. Agree. More. I had something similar when I went to see a GP (not my usual doctor – it was an emergency appt) and when I asked whether the medicine she was prescribing me was suitable for breastfeeding she said “no – but would that be such a bad thing? You want to get out of that habit” I was so shocked that I left without really pulling her up on it, and left with tears prickling at my eyes. I still kick myself now for not saying something at the time! #pocolo
‘You want to get out of that habit’ Oh wow this really takes the biscuit, that is awful!! I would have been too shocked to say anything though I think, like I was this time. What a really bad attitude for a GP to have!! I hope that your normal GP has a better attitude!
I can’t believe you got told that!!! It is actually recommended by WHO to feed until at least 2 years if possible (so you should have said that to him!!!) I stopped with the toddler when he was 11 months old as I had enough, no idea how my journey will go this time but I am at least weatherworn from feeding the toddler to bat off anyone who questions me at any point!! #PoCoLo xx
It is really awful, and I was too shocked to really say anything, I wish I had done! I also wish I was a bit braver to tell people who say negative things exactly what I think!
You have done such an amazing job, and if it still works for the both of you, then keep going. I’ve had some issues lately and had to go to the doctor and the ask how old Little Pudding is and when I say 11 month’s I can feel the look of ‘you don’t have to keep it up now’, but we do as we aren’t ready, she’s not ready and breastfeeding support should continue for as long as is needed. Thanks for linking up with #MyFavouritePost x
It’s it awful that you get a ‘you don’t have to keep it up now’ vibe? I have been getting the same vibe for a while, and it’s such a shame. You are right, support should continue for as long as it is needed not at some arbitrary time when a box is ticked for some random list of numbers and percentages! I hope the issues you have been having are all sorted now.
You’re right, no one should ever be told what do to especially when you feel your doing the best by your child. YOU’RE the Mum. YOU decide when’s enough. Simple as that! Thanks so much for linking up! #MMWBH
Thank you so much. I am really glad I am too stubborn to listen to what the GP said and carried on myself!
Why did your GP say that? they should be encouraging it! Makes me so mad. This countries views towards breastfeeding are so screwed up! The support is really lacking, its such a shame. Oh and well done for 16 months that’s amazing x
Support really is lacking, as is information about the realities of breastfeeding. I totally agree the amount of negativity I have come across for breastfeeding is crazy!
This is so frustrating. I’m cross for you! Although the boys mum and I are separated I still hear stories from her. She’s a breastfeeding support worker and it’s shocking how many professionals say this! Well done though for what you’ve done! Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky hope to see you there next week
It’s awful and I honestly am shocked that some healthcare professionals think like that, it must be quiet demoralising for the boys mum having to deal with that attitude in her line of work. Thank you, and thanks for hosting =)
Seriously what is wrong with people?! Our Ted is 9 months old and Jen got told it was ‘un-natural’ to still be feeding him and that she must have a problem?! Thanks for linking this up #bigfatlinky
That is ridiculous, I do get really cross that people think it is acceptable to make comments like this, there is clearly no link between some people’s brains and tongues!!
So silly really, isn’t it. Why should you give up a positive and healthy choice? Glad I clicked on http://magnoliasoulangeana.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/proudly-breastfeeding-for-1-and-12.html on #TwinklyTuesday and then found the link to your post through hers.
Glad you’re enjoying breastfeeding your toddler; I am too and I and my little one have no plans to stop anytime soon.
It really is silly! I am glad you found my post too =)
I am planning on carrying on and not listening – Boo will decides when she wants to wean herself and until then I am happy and she is happy. I am glad you are enjoying breastfeeding your toddler too, long may it continue!